Never [ASS][u][ME]
Lame jokes
DISORDER IN THE AMERICAN COURTS
These
are from a book called "Disorder in the American Courts"
and are things
people ACTUALLY said in court.
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment
of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks?
ATTORNEY: Can you
describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a
beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this male or female?
WITNESS: Guess.
ATTORNEY:
Doctor, how many of you autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS:
All of them. Would you like to rephrase your question?
ATTORNEY: ALL of
your answers must be ORAL, okay? What school did you go to?
WITNESS:
Oral.
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the
body?
WITNESS: Around 8:30 pm.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at that
time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an
autopsy on him.
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did
you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood
pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS:
No.
ATTORNEY: So, then is it possible that the patient was alive when you
began the autopsy? WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be sure,
Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a
jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive,
nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and
practicing law.
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your
memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect
your memory?
WITNESS: I forgot.
ATTORNEY: You forgot? Can you give us an
example of something you forgot?
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your
husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, "Where am I,
Cathy?"
ATTORNEY: And why does that bother you?
WITNESS: My name is
Susan!
ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in
voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We
do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
ATTORNEY: Now doctor,
isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know it until the
next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
ATTORNEY:
The youngest son, the twenty-one-year-old, how old was he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's
21.
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS:
Are you kidding me?
ATTORNEY: She had 3 children, right?
WITNESS:
Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there
any girls?
WITNESS: Are you kidding? Your Honor, I think I need a different
attorney. Can I get a different attorney?
ATTORNEY: How was your first
marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was
it terminated?
WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?
MINE?
Было изменено: 16:14 08/06/2010.
DISORDER IN THE AMERICAN COURTS
These
are from a book called "Disorder in the American Courts"
and are things
people ACTUALLY said in court.
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment
of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks?
ATTORNEY: Can you
describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a
beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this male or female?
WITNESS: Guess.
ATTORNEY:
Doctor, how many of you autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS:
All of them. Would you like to rephrase your question?
ATTORNEY: ALL of
your answers must be ORAL, okay? What school did you go to?
WITNESS:
Oral.
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the
body?
WITNESS: Around 8:30 pm.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at that
time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an
autopsy on him.
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did
you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood
pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS:
No.
ATTORNEY: So, then is it possible that the patient was alive when you
began the autopsy? WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be sure,
Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a
jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive,
nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and
practicing law.
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your
memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect
your memory?
WITNESS: I forgot.
ATTORNEY: You forgot? Can you give us an
example of something you forgot?
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your
husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, "Where am I,
Cathy?"
ATTORNEY: And why does that bother you?
WITNESS: My name is
Susan!
ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in
voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We
do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
ATTORNEY: Now doctor,
isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know it until the
next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
ATTORNEY:
The youngest son, the twenty-one-year-old, how old was he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's
21.
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS:
Are you kidding me?
ATTORNEY: She had 3 children, right?
WITNESS:
Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there
any girls?
WITNESS: Are you kidding? Your Honor, I think I need a different
attorney. Can I get a different attorney?
ATTORNEY: How was your first
marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was
it terminated?
WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?
MINE?
Было изменено: 16:14 08/06/2010.
